This is my 17th year of coaching Little League baseball. That is a consequence of having children over a span of 23 years! I have always loved it, and learned a lot of lessons along the way. Watching a former Little League player pitch on television for a Major League team was a highlight. From that, I learned that even inadequate coaching at a young age can’t mess up the few who have really great talent and are willing to devote most of their time and energy in their early years to improving their skills. I have also learned that parents can get really focused and stressed about how their child is doing in comparison to everyone else. It’s about the kids, right? Not usually. There is a delicate balance between helping kids develop skill and gain confidence versus making sure they win. Really good things (like baseball) can have some pretty damaging effects with the wrong approach.. The opposite can also be true.
Perhaps the biggest lesson I have learned is a lesson that applies to all of life. The only things we get are the things we really want and choose for ourselves. A friend of mine who retired from the U.S. Air Force after twenty some years always says: “We can teach you some skill, unless you don’t have the will.” The truth of that statement is very evident in Little League baseball. Every team with players from 8-12 years old that I have ever coached proves this point. (Once kids get 12 and older, most of the kids I am talking about are no longer playing). If they want to learn to play baseball, they can make big strides in a fairly short amount of time. If they are there for any other reason, they show up to practice and games for a couple of months, and are pretty much at the same level of skill as when they started. Sometimes parents keep hoping and dropping kids off year after year with the same result.
The difference is what the kid really wants and his/her level of desire to get it. Parents really want their kids to participate and excel at everything they do. So parents hope the kids want to play or hope they will start to enjoy it or hope that being around other kids will give them a desire or hope that stories of their own Little League experience will inspire them, but as my same Air Force friend always says: “Hope ain’t a plan.” “Fake it until you make it” only applies if, after we understand what is required for success, we really want to make it at all. Some kids and adults don’t, and that’s okay.. But as a parent, should we promote fantasy over real life accomplishment?
Accomplishing our goals in life comes down to making a personal assessment as to whether or not we really want them, then overcoming our personal fears and committing to a realistic plan to get there. Then sticking to that plan. All accomplishment (for us and our children) is first based in our deepest desires. If we don’t really desire it, we are not likely to get focused enough to make it happen. This shows up in my Little Leaguers on a hot day in the 3rd or 4th inning: “Do we have to go back in the field again?” “Who has treats today?” As adults, we do the same things. “I’m too tired this morning.” “I’m probably not qualified to get that promotion anyway.” You get the idea.
Eventually it all comes down to what we want from life as opposed to a wish we have of getting something that we are not willing to sacrifice for. I often tell my kids that whatever we get for free has no real value to us. This desire for success without a desire to do what is needed to get it is one of the very basic causes of addictive behaviors. All of us want the cash, the car, the girl (or boy), the Major League contract, etc. And with the help of technology, there is a readily available fantasy that can appease almost any desire—for a short time. When the difficulties associated with working toward a good end start to push on us, some escape the pressure with a “quick fix” of that fantasy in the form of a video game, social media or pornography that makes us feel great for a short time but pushes us further away from the real goals we want to achieve, not to mention potentially trapping us in long term, self destructive behaviors.
So, we ought to look deeply at who we are and what we really want. We should be careful about letting peers, media, the influences all around us—even parents —make our determination for us. If they do, our desires will lack the necessary motivation we must have to get what we want. Once we have really assessed our desires, we will be ready to make a plan to accomplish our goals and we will be realistic about putting in the persistent effort to reach them. Not wanting to work hard playing Little League isn’t a terrible thing, as long as you don’t expect to be on television pitching in the Major Leagues. That’s just fantasy.
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.