The boys in our family have been very involved in golf. The girls never took an interest in playing. It all started several years ago when our oldest son tried out for and made the high school baseball team. The coach told him that he kept him to be a relief pitcher and he would probably get to play just an inning or two each week. They planned to practice a lot during the school year, and all summer as well. He wasn’t very excited about spending 15-20 hours a week at practice so he could play an inning or two. As his father, my focus was only that he choose something to do that required some hard work and perseverance to get good at it. He decided to play golf.
I liked golf, but never played as a young man, and rarely as an adult. I never was good at it, and didn’t have the time to get better. Soon after my son started to play, and I started to watch his progress, I got converted to the game. It became obvious to me that golf has a lot of parallels to life. I could spend an hour talking about the need to be patient, to never give up—because conditions change quickly—to be focused on what you are trying to do, and not on what you are trying to avoid. There are lessons on the value of repentance, when you hit a shot into the trees, and must take a stroke to play it out sideways before you can advance the ball. If you try to force a shot, you can be in more trouble than you were before. There are lessons about being focused and calm without over-thinking the swing. And of course there are lessons to be learned from the fact that every course is different and the conditions change on every shot.
The most significant thing to me about golf is that I could spend 3-4 hours playing with a son while having a discussion about all of the issues related to golf, but about life in general as well. It became our father and son discussion time. Our four boys all play, so we have spent a lot of time together and seen some very pretty places.
Amongst the many lessons and rules of golf is one that I believe sums up life very well: you must play the ball where it lies. This means that wherever your ball ends up after you hit it, you have to hit your next shot from right there (with a couple of rare exceptions). You can’t move it from behind a tree, or set it on some nicer grass, or even move it out of the divot that was made by another player! You can’t kick it into the open when you think no one is watching, and you have to have enough integrity to abide by the rules, even if there really is no one watching!
Life is the same. Sometimes we make bad “shots” that put us in a bad place. Sometimes we get a bad bounce or a “dry spot” with no grass that had nothing to do with how well we hit the ball, but still impacts our next shot. All of us have done dumb things (or if you are perfect, you have seen others do them) and have to decide if we are going to “repent” and take a penalty stroke to get back in the right direction, or keep trying to hack through the trees. We might even be tempted to kick the ball into the clear. Some get bad bounces or conditions in life that had nothing to do with choices, like disease, accidents, etc. No matter how we got there or why, we have to play it where it lies.
Here is where our choices make a big difference. When we make mistakes, we can learn to correct them quickly without permanent harm, by working on our swing (life skills). If we gain more knowledge and understanding, we are better prepared to make better “shots” (decisions), and our “score”(accomplishments) will improve, not to mention our “round” (life) will be more pleasant. If we are in a bad “lie” (circumstance) that had nothing to do with our own choice, we can decide to be angry, resentful and even take on a victim role. None of these approaches improve our “lie”(circumstance) or help our next “shot”(decision). In fact, these responses actually increase the likelihood that we will continue to have a bad “round” (life).
So what are the best options? First, we should work at getting better at the game. More training and education, healthier habits, a positive attitude, a better support group and increased faith can all help us when we have tough shots to make. When we make good swings and still get bad results, we should look for positive ways to avoid further difficulties, try our best to resist the urge to give up, and seek help from others around us for ideas, love and moral support.
Life—and golf—are never completely fair. But both of them can be incredible teachers! We can learn a great deal and progress in so many ways by continuing to improve our play and work on the weaknesses in our game regardless of our “lie” (circumstances). Ultimately, that is what it is all about. The real winners are the ones that gain the most experience from hitting every kind of shot there is in all kinds of circumstances. That is why the Savior “descended below them all” so that he could understand all of the “lies” (circumstances) and “shots” (decisions). He is the best resource for helping us to be successful, especially when we have to play it where it lies.
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.