Recently I attended the funeral of a good friend. I don’t mean “good” in the sense that we were really close or spent a lot of time together. In fact, I think I have seen him only 2 or 3 times over the last 20 or so years. Those visits were usually at a High School Class Reunion that came along every 10 years. Now at the age of 58, Keith had been diagnosed with brain cancer, and after a valiant fight of almost a year, he lost the battle for his life.
When I learned that Keith’s passing was imminent, I felt the need to go and see him. I took a flight and rented a car and drove to our hometown where he and his wife (Louise) of over 35 years still lived. This visit was one I will never forget. He greeted me at the door with his familiar big smile and a hug. Our association was immediately renewed as if we had been in touch all along. I told him that I thought he looked good and asked him how he was doing. Keith was never one to mince words or put up a front. His answer was straight up—just like he was. “Not worth a damn,” he said with a smile.
We talked about our common friends and memories. He introduced me to his adult children and several of his grandchildren that were there visiting at his home. We laughed a lot—Keith and Louise always did—then we talked about the seriousness of his situation and what lay ahead for him and his family. I could tell Keith was beginning to tire and I realized we had been there for a couple of hours! We shared some final thoughts and then a family moment that was -–to me—a sacred time.
There were tears and a long embrace and a final goodbye. It was indeed final, as Keith passed away just two weeks after our visit.
During our visit, and later at his viewing and funeral, I learned a few things about Keith that I didn’t know. I was reminded that he had spent most of his working life as a mechanic working on John Deere tractors. I know Keith enough to know that he was good at what he did, and he loved it. He was loyal to the John Deere brand, and he seemed to enjoy whatever work he did. That work was an integral part of the meaning of his life. It was also an integral part of his funeral.
The family held a viewing the night before his funeral. The line of visitors stretched into the street and took a couple of hours to get through. The next day, as I pulled into the small town to attend his funeral, I saw lined up across the street from the church 10 John Deere tractors! When the service was over, those tractors, driven by friends, led the hearse and the funeral procession for the first mile and a half through town and out the other end. There they pulled to the side of the road and formed a line as those following the hearse drove by. As the procession continued down the road, other locals had pulled their John Deere tractors out by the highway and families were standing by waving as we passed. Even his casket was painted John Deere green and yellow, and the family members all wore green ties.
This is where I explain the “good” part. Keith was a good man. He loved his family and he took care of them. He taught his children to be respectful and kind. He and Louise loved each other in a way that most married couples would envy. He loved his work and devoted his time to doing it well, and he loved John Deere tractors. Keith was the kind of guy that would give you the shirt from his back and walk the extra mile with enthusiasm. He had great influence on the Boy Scouts in the troop he worked with and served others throughout his life. He was faithful to what he believed and encouraged belief and integrity in the lives of others. And he was funny, always making those around him laugh.
I am so grateful I got to spend a couple more hours with Keith, and disappointed that I had not made better efforts to spend more when I had the chance. I have learned that being around good men and women can help each of us be a little better in our own lives, and heaven knows I could have benefitted from that association.
From Keith’s example, I can strive to be a better man. I can show more love to those around me and more commitment –even love for –my life’s work. I can laugh more and try to bless others. When my life is complete, I hope to be—like Keith—a good man.
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.