Recently my wife and I attended a recital for an elite group of High School students that are part of a violin/fiddle group. It was awesome! The groups’ instructor encouraged crowd participation as the kids played their various solo and group numbers, because he explained that fiddle music is a participation art. It is intended to be enjoyed and danced to. Occasional yells of encouragement were heard throughout the recital along with a lot of clapping and foot stomping. The whole evening was a lot of fun, and we were really impressed with the talents of these young people.
I have a good friend (Shannon) who has always told me he wants a banjo player at his funeral. He tells me that–similar to fiddle music– you can’t be sad when you are listening to a banjo, and he doesn’t want anyone crying! I think he is right. You might have guessed (looking at his name) that he comes from Irish ancestry. Maybe that has made him especially fond of foot stomping type music, or maybe he has something more to teach us about banjos at funerals.
Life is difficult. As I write this post, Shannon is recuperating from a bout with cancer. It looks like he will be ok, but it wasn’t without some serious difficulties and a lot of pain from surgery and the attendant recovery that –to date—has lasted more than a couple of months. He and his wife said it has been the most difficult thing they have encountered in life, and they have had more than their share of difficult. In the midst of those kinds of experiences, most of us aren’t thinking about banjo music.
Having said that, having a banjo at a funeral teaches us something about our entire life experience. In the midst of some very difficult experiences, we would do well to try and focus on the good things in life that ultimately make the suffering bearable, maybe even more meaningful. We can find great purpose in what we have gone through with increased faith, tolerance, patience, sympathy and empathy for others who suffer. We can learn something about our own strengths (and weaknesses) while seeking the help and support of others. And occasionally, we can feel great gratitude for the experience, once the present challenge is over.
A banjo may help us remember the best things about our experience as opposed to dwelling on our losses. It can lift our spirits and encourage us to move our feet and dance around a bit, if we still have the strength to do so. The music might also remind us of people like Shannon, who has a smile and a unique handshake for everyone he meets. He has a lot of faith, too. He doesn’t seem to stress too much about the little things, and is always a call away when a friend needs a hand.
I think his life experience has taught him that amidst a lot of challenge and difficulty there are some really good things, so we may as well enjoy the banjo music to remind us of the positive, while working through the rest of it.
I hope Shannon gets well and stays that way for a long time, but I have to admit that I also hope I outlive him. Just for a week or two, because I want to be at his funeral. I hope I will be sitting there at 85 or 102 or somewhere in between, tapping my cane to the banjo music and remembering all the great things that happened in my life. I know I will be grateful for my association with Shannon, and that he had a banjo at his funeral to remind me.
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.