As a kid growing up in a very small Idaho town, it was not uncommon to see families with a lot of kids. My parents had six, which seems like a lot to us now, but we had many acquaintances that had us beat by several! One family lived just across the road about 150 yards from our house. As I recall, they had nine or ten children. They had an old Citroen car that stopped running after a while, and I don’t think they could find the French parts or mechanic to fix it. Despite the mechanical issues, the horn—which made a very loud and distinct sound—worked well, and was put to good use every day. It was the family dinner bell. (Dinner bell?? Ask your grandparents!)
The kids were spread all over the area playing with friends, making “forts” or shooting each other and their neighbors with BB guns. You know, the usual stuff. When dinner was ready, the mother went outside and laid on the horn of the old Citroen. I’m pretty sure everyone within half a mile could hear it in that quiet town. Everyone knew what it meant. It was dinner time at the Barrus’ home. The kids came running from whatever field or ditch they were playing in and headed into the house to eat. If anyone pretended not to hear the horn, they knew they were running the risk of going to bed hungry that night. It was a highly effective tool.
We didn’t have a Citroen horn, but we all knew that we would be having dinner together. We always did, just like most families I knew. I don’t think it was just our little town or part of the country that had this tradition. Before the days of McDonald’s and Taco Bell on every corner (and In N Out Burger—if you live in the right state!), there weren’t too many other options for food. So mom cooked us a meal (usually a very nutritious one) and we were happy to get the sustenance and recount the day’s activities with our family. It was the normal thing to do.
While the food was always good, it was the family association that made the ritual most significant. Kids who were struggling with some personal problem or an issue at school or with the neighbor kids etc., were generally discovered right there in the kitchen. Mom and Dad talked about it and what should be done to resolve it. They also spent considerable time listening, and giving praise and encouragement. Occasionally, it was a time for some serious discussion about behaviors that needed to be corrected.
I loved dinner time. Not just because I was always hungry, but because it made me feel connected, wanted and loved. It made me feel a part of something bigger and more important than myself, and gave me opportunity to practice healthy social interaction like listening and speaking to others etc. I learned new ideas and had the opportunity to form and defend my own thoughts. It provided a chance to share my goals and hopes for the future with people that generally were willing to listen and support. It also provided a place to learn to resolve conflict and differences (most of the time without it going to blows!)
I fear this dinner time tradition is fast fading away. I believe it is a sad—maybe even dangerous—trend. Recent research is bearing this out. I am impressed that so many studies have been done to verify the impact of family dinner together. “The Family Dinner Project” has done research that shows benefits of this time honored tradition. Here’s their list: Families that eat dinner together have children with:
- better academic performance
- higher self esteem
- greater sense of resilience
- lower risk of substance abuse
- lower risk of teenage pregnancy
- lower risk of depression
- lower risk of eating disorders, and
- lower risks of obesity.
Several other studies have shown very similar results. What parent wouldn’t want those advantages for their kids?
I understand we live in a different time and place than a small Idaho town of 45-50 years ago, but some things stand the test of time. I hope families eating dinner together is one of them. In fact, being together at dinner time may be the very thing that allows them to stand the test of time as individuals and families in a healthy way.
There’s the horn! Time for dinner!
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.