We humans like to be in control. Our response to things we think are wrong is often to create a law or rule to control behavior (usually someone else’s). The one thing we have a difficult time controlling is ourselves. It is ironic that we are often interested in trying to control behavior through laws, then we use those same laws as a measure for what should be personal responsibility—while we violate them.
Here is an example. If the speed limit is 65, what is the speed of the majority of cars? We all have our different theories about what speed the local police officers will tolerate over the limit, but the common thought is around 4-8 miles per hour. Accordingly, most of us are travelling between 69-73. Some of us are going a lot faster—but no need to mention names here.
The same pattern generally holds regardless of the speed limit. Most of us will see it as the benchmark and try to determine how best to avoid it. We know there will never be enough policemen to catch us all! And besides, a friend told me you can get a very good radar detector for about $350. Again, no need to mention names.
Not too long ago, I had my first opportunity to drive on the Autobahn in Germany. There are no speed limits there except occasional construction zones. Being a guy that has always liked cars (and speed in general), it was a thrill for me to be going 120 miles an hour—right up until that Porsche went by me like I was parked! Then I was just jealous.
While this information might be interesting, this post isn’t about going fast in cars or speed limits. It is about how we perceive and avoid or embrace personal responsibility. We often make an attempt to enforce laws so that we don’t have to ask ourselves what our own responsible behavior should be and then act on it. For some reason, being willing to control our own behavior is less desirable than having someone else do it—or at least try to.
I was reminded of this concept recently when I saw a quote from Spencer W. Kimball, 12th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He said: “There ought to be a law, many say when corruption raises its ugly head, and our answer is that there are laws—numerous laws which are not enforced; but our further answer is that you cannot legislate goodness and honor and honesty. There must be a return to consciousness of those values.”
In a similar vein, Walter Williams said: “Policemen and laws can never replace customs, traditions and moral values as a means of regulating human behavior. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defense for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behavior is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.”
The scriptures give us some notable examples of this concept. I think of the children of Israel who were unwilling to climb the mountain to meet God with Moses They wanted him to go—then come back and tell them what God said. The result was a list of 10 commandments—that they struggled to live by for 40 years. That list of 10 eventually turned into a codified nightmare, where the number of steps one could walk on the Sabbath was one of a thousand regulations. Some are still in use today.
Contrary to all that regulation was the New Testament declaration of Jesus who proclaimed just two commandments. “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mathew 22: 37;39). This magnificent declaration leaves to each individual what his or her personal responsibility is, and if we are sincere, with our heart, soul and mind as he suggests, we will know through the power of the Holy Ghost exactly what that means in our own lives, and can answer for ourselves regarding our compliance.
I saw this concept in real life practice while serving as a Bishop years ago in Southern California. The youth attended early morning seminary in the Church building at 6am. It probably goes without saying that there were a few who rarely showed up and several more who rolled in and struggled to stay awake. The exception to this was when a certain teacher was called. He didn’t berate them for lack of attention or struggle to get them to participate. He just invited them to follow one simple rule in his class. It was: “Quench not the spirit.”
This singular invitation required every student—encouraged by their respect and eventual love for this teacher– to consider how their personal behavior was in conformance with that simple request. For the vast majority, they acted like a model class, as if there were a dozen or more rules that were all strictly enforced.
The most significant indication for me was the number of kids that voluntarily requested an appointment to the Bishop’s office as if they all got a memo on the same week. They came to share some things with me that they wanted to make right in their life. It was rarely serious sin, but they were anxious to be clean. I would ask them—without revealing that several of their peers had also come—what prompted them to make the call and the visit. Each had the same answer. Their seminary teacher had taught them about the atonement that week, and they wanted the blessings that came from it. Apparently, no one had quenched the spirit, because it was very much a part of their class and applicable in their lives.
Recently my oldest daughter called to talk about ideas for dealing with her “crazy kids”. (She has 5 of them (4 boys) and the oldest is 12) I told her about this seminary teacher and his experience. She called me later to report what happened. She asked her kids to tell her what the rules of the house were. She said they all mentioned one or two that they had heard, then she told them that none of those rules applied anymore. They were all going to be replaced with one rule and it was “quench not the spirit.” The kids were quiet for a moment, likely thinking about what that meant, then the 12 year old replied, “mom, that is a thousand rules!” The concept of personal responsibility had become very clear to him.
I wonder if each of us could focus on that one simple rule or one like it used by this excellent teacher to quench not the spirit? I believe it goes without much explanation that our compliance would be life changing. Our efforts might even remove our inclination to think that there ought to be more laws.
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.