I have type 2 diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was 56 years old. My doctor told me it was partially genetic, and partially my perpetual yearning for a cold Mountain Dew around 8am every morning. Apparently I didn’t fight off that feeling as much as I should have. Another thing I love is ice cream! That urge hits around 8-9pm. “Malted Moo Shake” from Tillamook is a favorite, but HaagenDazs Vanilla Swiss Almond is pretty much the Gold Standard. But alas, it all has lots of sugar, and sugar is now the enemy.
Have you ever noticed that when we are restricted from having something that we really like, or want,we tend to focus on it and want it even more? I call this the Ice Cream Principle. As it relates to our kids, it can be stated like this: If you never let your kids have ice cream, when they go to the neighbors they will eat all of their ice cream.
Now to be clear, my parents never forbade me from having ice cream. In fact, the Schwann man used to drop it by in the 3 gallon tins at our house on a regular basis! Most of my friends came to my house on Sunday afternoon for ice cream, and some of my mother’s homemade caramel corn. (You are probably making a connection by now with me and diabetes, but we can talk about that later).
Mortality affords us the opportunity to make choices. We often call this Agency or Free Will. It is interesting to note, that although we might be limited in the external choices we can make (if we are in prison for example), we still never lose the right to choose how to respond to our circumstances and to others. We always get to make a choice and we always get to deal with the consequence of those choices, both good and bad.
When someone tells us explicitly that we cannot choose for ourselves, we are often more determined than ever to prove them wrong. Ever see a good kid from a good family with bright pink hair? How about a few extra earrings—or nose ring. Smoking? Putting on different clothes once they leave the house? Tattoos? (This is the short list). Some kids—once they leave the house—go all out to make up for lost choices!
Good choices are made from good information. I probably would have been a little less inclined toward Mountain Dew if I had known all those years ago that it was gradually helping to kill my pancreas, or that ice cream also encourages that process. I have more information now, and consequently make better choices than I used to now that I understand the real consequence of those choices.
The issue is, if someone had simply told me that I could not have any Mountain Dew, without giving me the appropriate information to determine why, it may well have encouraged me to continue my drinking or even add to it! There is a very real part of us that does not like to be told what to do, especially when there is coercion involved.
This is how the Ice Cream Principle applies. If we coerce behavior from our kids instead of teaching good principles and moderation, many of them will be inclined to hide their “bad behavior” from us when they have opportunity to do things that we don’t allow. Like eating all the neighbors ice cream!
The flip side of this is that we raise kids who—wanting to believe and follow their parents—become Ice Cream Nazis! Ice cream becomes evil and the means for ruining future generations! They focus so much on promoting –even coercing—their beliefs, that they lose sight of things that are likely the “weightier matters of the law.” I was in a Ward once where every Gospel Doctrine lesson was hi-jacked by a single individual into a discussion of the evils of fast food. Eating a Big Mac became akin to cheating on your wife! You get the point—I hope.
I was teaching in a Sunday School class a couple of years ago and I explained the Ice Cream Principle. A man in his 30s started to laugh out loud. He then shared his experience with a mission companion that bought a half gallon of ice cream every P-Day. When he got back to their apartment, he would eat the entire container before he even put the other groceries away, and then ask his companion if he could have some of his. His explanation was that his parents never let them have ice cream in their home. In his case (and it isn’t uncommon), that turned into some unhealthy behavior.
Eating too much ice cream may eventually damage your pancreas, not to mention your waistline! Having absolute restrictions without good information and some options to choose can often be even worse.
Make sure you give your kids good information so they have the ability to make a wise choice. I’m sticking with the Vanilla Swiss Almond–in much smaller portions!
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Jerry is the author of “Partners with God, Using His Teachings and Example to Raise Our Kids” and has been a guest speaker at numerous gatherings, firesides and organization events, as well as working as a facilitator for individual families.
Jerry and his wife Melanie are the parents of 12 children and currently have 13 grandchildren.